A SMALL MISUNDERSTANDING
by madmindzoe
Summary: Another misunderstanding fic. This is to appease the imagination on which Levi can actually beat Commander Erwin Smith. Just something out of the ordinary. Levihan and Eruhan if you deem it.


A SMALL MISUNDERSTANDING

It was his favourite day. It never occurred to him when it actually started becoming his most awaited day in every week that passed. It simply did. Just like falling in love for the first time.

It was CLEANING DAY and when it is cleaning day, it was not Commander Erwin Smith who stood in-charge. Rather it was the neurotic clean maniac, Lance Corporal Levi.

Shoving the covers and marching to the bathroom with a sense of purpose and unmatched determination, Levi quickly but thoroughly showered and donned on a set of clean clothes. He towel-dried his hair and placed on a sort of white bandana to hold it in place and catch the sweat once he started working. Another white cloth hung from his neck, ready to cover half of his face to prevent him from catching dust and sneezing like an idiot.

Once he has done his morning rituals, the short-statured man left his bunk, closing the door behind him and headed towards the stock room where he usually keeps his beloved cleaning supplies. Grabbing two buckets, a mop and a broom, Corporal Levi decided to start with the easiest place to clean – Commander Erwin Smith's office. After all, the commander is very well-organized and it only takes around half an hour to clean his office. It was surely a good strategy to start with the cleanest place and end with the dirtiest. He believed it was energy saving.

And so he marched to start his own personal battle - with dirt.

"It's too big, Erwin. I don't think it would fit."

He stopped abruptly, wrist in mid-air, poised in a position to knock on the door.

_Shitty glasses?_ He thought as he overheard the ever familiar voice of the female squad leader from the other side of the door.

"It's going to fit. You have a wonderful body, Hanji, you can easily accommodate this length."

_Fit? Length? What the fuck?_ Levi thought. He carefully placed down the buckets, leaned the broom and mop on the wall and slowly placed an ear to the door.

"Hmmmpphh… Erwin! This doesn't feel comfortable. AHHHH Shit! Oh Holy Fuck!" the female cussed and a loud thump resounded. "Erwin! It fucking hurts!" she whined.

Levi could feel his blood boil. His usual stoic face turned into rage. He balled his fingers into a fist and all he could think of was beating the living daylights off his commanding officer.

"Perverted son-of-a-bitch," he whispered, moving from his leaning position, he posed to kick the door open. However, Commander Smith's voice stopped him.

"Shhhh…. Hanji, Hanji…. Calm down. Shhhh….It's alright. It's alright." He heard Erwin cooed. Curious, he again leaned on the door and listened. He could hear Erwin comfort Hanji and then he heard him apologize. Then he heard Hanji chuckle, sweet and soft.

_Fuck you, shitty glasses! What the hell are you chuckling like a girl for? You fucking think commander shitty eyebrows is worth chuckling like a girl for? Fucking pieces of shit!_ Levi thought to himself. His mind started to rundown a number of ways to beat the taller man black and blue once he deemed this show over.

"Alright, Erwin, I'm ready to give it another try. Let's do it." And there's another chuckle. Levi punched the cemented wall as he heard that soft laugh.

"Okay. Maybe we should put this first. It could lessen the friction and it won't hurt that much." Erwin said. Another punch on the wall from Levi. This time, it drew blood on his knuckles. Despite the door that obstructs his sight, Levi could practically see Erwin Smith hovering over Hanji, and not only his hands were exploring her body.

"Hmmmm… Hanji sit on the desk. It will give me a better angle." Erwin said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. Levi snapped the broom in two and punched the wall twice over. His knuckles are so bloody by now and a few bones seem to have broken.

_Sit on the desk? What the fuck is with that tone, commander assfuck!? What is she a dog?!_ Levi thought and he suddenly remembered how Erwin got him to join the Legion Corps. He remembered his ways of persuasion, his style, his personality, his demeanour.

"Shit, Erwin. I take it back. It's really too big to fit me. Even with this on, it's too big. Just remove it." Hanji said.

"Hanji, we're already halfway through. Move your legs. Let me do this one trick."

And that last sentence just made him see red.

Levi moved back and picked up the half-filled bucket. Realizing that he already broke the broom, he grabbed the mop and poised himself in front of the door's knob. He heard another thump and he heard Hanji cussed and whined and he heard Erwin chuckle softly perhaps on Hanji's reactions.

_Sick fuck!_ Levi thought and with enough x-rated images flooding his mind, he kicked the door open.

Hanji's eyes widened in shock as she saw a bucket of water crash on top of Erwin's head, drenching him with its contents and covering his face. She remained motionless as she watched someone from behind clash a mop onto the bucket that was on the commander's head.

The impact was so strong that Erwin toppled to his side, moaning and cussing like a sailor in pain. It was the first time Hanji actually heard Erwin use obscenities. It was also her first time to see the man she admired and honoured and looked up to on the ground.

"YOU GODDAMN FUCK! TAKE THIS! YOU PERVERTED SHITTY EYEBROWS!" the assaulter screamed. Hanji shifted her gaze and she saw a short man with a white cloth covering most of his raven hair attacking her commanding officer with a mop, beating his ribs as if he was a piece of rug in need of dusting through repeated vigorous striking.

"Levi?!" Hanji said, in a whisper, shocked and confused.

Erwin managed to remove the bucket obstructing his view and as he was about to call out to Levi to stop him from his incessant attacks, Levi kicked his face and stomped on his head.

"DON'T! FUCKING! VIOLATE! HANJI!" He screamed. Erwin's face is taking too much beating now.

"LEVI! STOP IT!" Hanji finally snapped out of her daze and rushed to stop the corporal from killing Erwin. She grabbed Levi from behind and pulled him away from the man on the floor, coughing blood.

"Levi! For the love of Wall Maria, stop! It!" Hanji cried out. Levi squirmed and pushed her away.

"THE FUCK ARE YOU TAKING HIS SIDE, YOU FUCKING BITCH!" Levi screamed. "HE'S FUCKING RAPING YOU, HANJI!"

Dumbfounded, Hanji's mouth gaped open. Levi was panting and was at the verge of possibly losing more of his self-control when he realized that Hanji Zoe, second squad leader and Humanity's Craziest solider, was not naked. She was wearing a Victorian gown with a corset finish on the waist area.

"Levi," the voice was hoarse. It was Erwin. Levi turned to see his superior officer. He was, too, dressed decently, in a black tuxedo. However, he was coughing blood and his white collar has already absorbed most of it.

"What the fuck is going on?" Another male voice boomed in. It was Mike. Right behind him was Nanaba who was dead speechless at the sight of a bloody Erwin Smith.

"Wall Maria be damned. Erwin!" Mike rushed to aid his friend. "Nanaba, hurry get some medications and towels." Nanaba just nodded and sprinted away before looking at Hanji who simply give her a meaningful look.

"Shit, Erwin, I'm -"

Erwin coughed. Then he laughed. Then his laughter echoed through the halls as if he has gone crazy.

"Erwin?" Hanji asked.

"You are forgiven, Levi. No big damages done." Erwin said, as he let Mike help him on a seat. Nanaba returned with a first aid kit and towels. "Hanji, go get changed. We'll cancel on tonight's party."

"Party?"

"I'm always accompanying Erwin to sponsor's parties in Wall Sina to gather funds. He was helping me with this dress when you started plummeting in here attacking Erwin as if he was a titan devouring me." Hanji said.

"He sounded like a titan devouring you." Levi answered back. Sighing, he walked to Erwin, and on bended knee, apologized profusely to his commanding officer. Erwin just waved him off, trying not to laugh for he knew exactly why Levi acted so. Deep inside, he approved of it.

That evening, Hanji went to Levi's room.

"Levi?!"

"I'm sorry I acted like an idiot. I misunderstood. I'm sorry."

"Levi -"

"I said, I'm sorry, alright!" he raised his voice. "Shit. Go away, shitty glasses. I'm in such a bad mood." And he plopped his head on the pillow and covered his eyes with his arm.

It wasn't a second later that he felt Hanji touch his hand, the one with bloody knuckles.

"What happened to this?" she asked as she started applying antiseptics.

"Punched the wall." He answered.

"Poor wall." She replied.

"Poor Erwin. I really messed his face up." He answered. Hanji started giggling.

"Not as messed up as you when you realized he wasn't pushing his dick inside me." Hanji laughed at that.

"Stop it."

"Jealousy becomes you, Corporal. You are as adorable as shit." And with that Hanji laughed so hard that she forgot that she was treating Levi's wounds.

"Whatever, shitty glasses." He replied, sourly. "I'll give you something to laugh at. Come here." He grabbed her head and placed his lips onto hers, kissing her deeply, drowning down her laugh.

"Hmmm…I don't think I mind you devouring me, Lance Corporal. Nope, I don't mind at all." Hanji said softly as their lips parted. And this time, it was she who kissed him and he felt content and forgiven.

Meanwhile, in Erwin's office, two figures, a male and a female, were drinking vine and laughing their asses off while one lay in his bed shaking his head and chuckling just the same.


End file.
